I'm a Big Boy Now
by Double Stuffed Oreo
Summary: -“Hurry up or we’re going to be late. I have to get you on time to your…kindergarten class.” Bakura, in school? Wow. Those poor souls are doomed. Join Bakura as he creates disturbances, makes messes, and drives everyone insane with his stupidity.


A/N: And here's my second fanfiction! Thanks for the support!  
Warnings: Spilt milk, nonsense, stupidity, randomness. You must have a sense of humor to go beyond this point.  
Disclaimers & other legal crap: I don't and never will own Yu-Gi-Oh... No matter how much I wish I did.

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Ryou sighed to himself as he started to climb the stairs. He noticed the further up the steps he went, the more the silence faded, pierced by a loud, deep snoring. Rolling his eyes he walked towards the direction of Bakura's room, needing to wake the said man up.

As he went into the room, he found Bakura sprawled on the bed, snoring louder than humanely possible, sheets kicked to the floor.

Ryou barely hesitated, marching up to the bed and gripping Bakura by the shoulders, giving him a hefty shake and screaming over the noise of the man's snoring, "Bakura, get up!"

Bakura only snored louder.

Frustrated, Ryou slapped Bakura about the head, causing the man to snort, rolling out of bed and falling to the floor, which almost instantly ripped him out of his slumber. His eyes opened to find Ryou nearly glaring at him, and he growled, "What was that for?!"

"Because you were being a lazy sack and wouldn't get your butt out of bed when I told you to!"

"Lazy…" Bakura grumbled, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

"I heard that. Now get up so we can get some breakfast and get ready to go to school-"

"But it's Saturday!" Bakura whined, giving his puppy dog eyes.

"It's Monday, moron." Ryou sighed, slapping a hand to his forehead as he headed out the door with Bakura slowly following.

"Hey Ryou," Bakura said nudging the younger teen. "How bout waffles for breakfast?"

"You'll get whatever I make you." Ryou replied.

"But I want waffles!" Bakura whined, stamping his foot. "With their hot, steamy goodness, with maple syrup dripping all over them and overflowing, with a side of melted butter, and a big, tall glass of orange juice to wash down the wonderful meal of life," he muttered, drooling rivers as he said this.

"You're getting whatever I _make _you," Ryou repeated, eye twitching.

"Is it waffles?"

"No. Now shut up before I slap you," Ryou growled, stomping into the kitchen to make breakfast while Bakura took a seat at the table.

Less than five minutes later Ryou placed a large bowl before Bakura, filled to the brim with gray-colored, chunky, slimy, disgusting substance. Bakura frowned, poking it with his spoon before glancing up worriedly.

"Ryou, that's not waffles." He frowned. "O-Or did my waffles mutate?"

"Neither," Ryou said with a groan as he went back into the kitchen. "We were out of waffles so I made you oatmeal."

"Oatmeal?!" Bakura wailed, kicking his legs under the table. "But I wanted waffles!"

"I said we were out of them, so quit whining," Ryou said, coming out of the kitchen, holding a rather large plate in his hands, with three waffles sitting upon it. He casually took a seat before Bakura, not noticing Bakura's expression.

"Y-You _liar!" _Bakura screamed, leaping out of his chair. Ryou stopped drowning his waffles in maple syrup to look up at the man. "You said we were out of waffles!"

"We are…chocolate chip waffles anyway," Ryou said, taking a bite, and Bakura's face twisted into that of horror. "_These _are blueberry."

"…I hate you."

Ryou shrugged. "No skin off my nose. Now sit and eat your oatmeal or you'll be eating it for dinner tonight."

Bakura unhappily sat down at the table, pouting, and attempted to eat his oatmeal. He frowned when his spoon got stuck in the thick substance, and he desperately tried to pull it out, "Ryou, the crappy oatmeal ate my spoon!"

"Quit being a baby."

Bakura finally managed to pull his spoon free, and gagged, for oatmeal was sitting in a large blob on the utensil. Fascinated, he turned his spoon upside down, noticing how the oatmeal stuck to the spoon.

"Hurry up or we're going to be late," Ryou grumbled, already halfway done with his waffles. "I have to get you on time to your…_kindergarten class."_

"You say it like it's a bad thing!"

"It _is! _You've failed five times already, moron!" Ryou screamed. "Now eat your slop- I mean, uh, oatmeal!"

Almost crying, the man forced the spoon into his mouth, gagging on the disgusting taste, but swallowed it anyway. "Is that good enough?"

"Three more bites," Ryou muttered, not looking up.

"_Three _more?!" Bakura yelled in horror. "That's like…" he counted on his fingers, before holding up four of them. "This much!"

"And _that _is why you failed so many times," Ryou said under his breath.

"Hey, I heard that! And I'm not stupid! I'm very int… intelli… Smart." He nodded, satisfied.

"Oh, really?" Ryou raised an eyebrow. "Spell purple."

"That's easy." Bakura boasted, putting hands on his hips. "P…u…r…p-o-l-d, there you go. I win."

Ryou just rolled his eyes, getting up from the table. "Come on, let's go."

"Go where?" Bakura asked stupidly.

"Never mind…" Ryou sighed. "But let me get the leash…"

"Oh yay I love the leash!" Bakura said happily, climbing down from his chair.

It took them half an hour to reach the school grounds; half an hour's worth of misery on Ryou's part. He constantly had to pull Bakura away from the road to keep him from being run over by cars, keep him from eating the citizens' flowers from their gardens, or doing unmentionables on the fire hydrants.

Ryou dragged Bakura inside, who was busy barking at one of the passing cars. He pulled him into the classroom before he unhooked the leash.

At sight of the albino, the teacher, who was sitting behind her desk, groaned. "Oh, how _wonderful_ it is to see you again…"

"Oh, hi!" Bakura waved, grinning stupidly. "You make me feel special by saying that, you know!"

"Just go sit down." The teacher muttered.

Bakura gave Ryou a hug, who disgustedly rolled his eyes. "Look, I'll be here for you at 2:30. Blah, blah… Bye."

"Okay bye!" Bakura called and went to take his seat.

When all the other students got there they began their first lesson: the alphabet.

"Who can recite the entire alphabet?" the teacher asked, trying to ignore Bakura, who was waving both arms in the air, yelling, and bouncing up and down in the chair.

"Pick me, pick me, pick _me!" _Bakura shouted, waving his arms faster.

"Does anyone _else _know the answer?" No one raised their hand, and the teacher sighed. "Okay, Bakura… Tell the class the alphabet."

"Oh that's easy. A-B-C-D-E-F-G, I really have to go pee." He yelled, before giving off a satisfied look and sitting down in his chair. The teacher just stared. "Do I get a gold star now?"

"No. No, you don't."

"…Oh, I get it. Saving it for after class, eh?" Bakura asked, winking.

The teacher sighed. "Okay… How about we finger paint now?"

"Yay finger paint!" the class recited.

"O-Oh! Yay!" Bakura yelled, delayed. "Wait… What are we yaying about again?"

The teacher began passing out the paints and paper, and gave the class time to work on the task. Bakura was bouncing in his chair, getting far to into the activity, making noises and knocking paint over onto the table and just making a mess.

Finally, the teacher called time and began wandering the class, asking what everyone had created.

"Oh, what did you make Jimmy?"

"It's a house."

"Oh, wonderful! And you, Sally?"

"A flower…"

"Great, great." She walked down the aisle, ignoring Bakura's hopeful look.

"Don't you wanna see what I made, teacher?" Bakura asked, making her stop.

"Do I really want to?"

"Yes! Yes, you do!" Bakura exclaimed, shuffling through the papers. "Okay, okay. This one is Malik dying in fire, this one is waffles, this is Malik dying in a car crash, this one is Malik drowning, and _this _one is-"

"Let me guess. Malik dying in some way or another?"

"Nooo! This one is Ryou! He deserves at least one picture because I love him," he finished, looking very pleased with himself.

"Whatever. Okay, now it's snack time."

"Snack time, yay!" the class called.

"Oh! Yay!" Bakura cried, delayed. "Wait. What are we yaying about?"

"Snack time, Bakura."

"Oh yay I love snacks." Suddenly he looked hopeful. "Wait. Is our snack waffles, teacher?"

"No. And what is it with you and waffles?"

"Ryou denied me waffles this morning and made me eat his slop… I mean oatmeal," Bakura finished.

"Oh, you _poor _thing," the teacher groaned sarcastically.

"Oh I know right! He was totally out of line!" Bakura shouted, nodding.

"Anyway… Who wants to help pass out snacks today!"

"Ooh, ooh, me, me, me!" Bakura screamed, waving again.

"Jimmy? …Oh, you did it last week. Any volunteers?" No one raised their hand, yet again. She sighed. "All _right _Bakura. You can help."

"Yippee!" Bakura leapt out of his chair and raced to the front of the room, beginning to pass out animal crackers.

"Okay, some for me, some for me… And some for me… Save this one for Ryou… Some for me, ooh and this one for me-"

"Bakura, _share!"_

"I am! Ryou counts as sharing!"

"Bakura."

"Fine. Some for you, some for you, some for you… Oh, none for you. I don't like you," he said, glaring at a young boy.

"_Bakura."_

"Fine. You got lucky this time, punk. But know this: I'm watching you." He said, marching away. "Can I pour the milk now?"

"No, you'll spill it-"

"No I won't! I'm a big boy now! Ryou even lets me pour my own drinks sometimes."

"Fine. But be careful, it's heavy."

"Oh, it's not that heavy." He muttered, popping off the cap and lifting it up to pour a few glasses. He went to pour it, but totally missed the cup, and afterwards dropped the jug. It fell to the floor, milk going everywhere, and then there was silence.

"…Teacher?"

"_What?" _she groaned.

"I spilled." Bakura said, giving his puppy dog eyes.

After the kids were done eating their animal crackers without any milk, thanks to a certain someone, they were going over colors. The teacher was loading a cassette tape. When she turned around Bakura was near the front of the room, on his hands and knees, licking the spilt milk up from the floor. "Bakura!"

"But teacher I was thirsty!" Bakura cried.

"Just sit down and listen to the tape," she moaned.

Bakura obeyed and went to his seat, trying extremely hard to listen despite his short attention span.

"The _blue _elephant is _blue. _Can you say _blue?"_

"Blue!" the class chorused, with Bakura screeching the loudest.

"Good! Now, can you point out something _blue _in the room?" Silence. "That's right!"

Bakura leapt out of his seat, glancing wildly about the room, looking for someone who had pointed something out. "Who pointed?! Who pointed at something blue?! Was it you, Jeremy?! I know I shouldn't have given you those animal crackers!"

"Bakura, that is enough! You've earned a time out! We do not do that to our friends!"

"_Friends?!" _Bakura sputtered, pointing at the boy. "This… This…_thing _isn't my friend!"

"Enough. Go to the corner. Now."

Grumbling Bakura made his way over the chair in the corner and plopped down. Suddenly he felt a bad pain in his stomach, accompanied by gurgling noises, and his hand shot up, trying to get the teacher's attention.

"Teacher! Teacher!" he cried, waving his hand around.

"Bakura, be quiet; you're in time out!"

"But teacher-"

"No buts! Be quiet!"

"But _teacherrr!"_

"_What?!"_

Suddenly the pain stopped, and Bakura dropped his hand. "…Never mind."

"No, you have everyone's full attention! Tell me what was bothering you so badly and was so important you had to interrupt yet again!"

"I-I had to potty… But you wouldn't let me ask to go, so I didn't…make it."

"So you mean…?"

"I made a stinky." He smiled, unsure of himself. "Will you change my diaper now?"

"I don't get paid nearly enough for that job. Call Ryou."

Awkwardly, Bakura got up and made his way over to the phone and dialed Ryou's number. There were a few rings then a 'hello?'

"Ryou…"

"What is it, Bakura?" he asked, somewhat worried.

"I-I have to tell you something…"

"Did something happen?"

"I… I made a stinky…"

"_Again?!" _Ryou screamed. "That's the sixth time this week!"

"I'm sorry… Can you bring me my spare big boy undies? You know, the one with the little Power Rangers on them?"

Ryou sighed. "Yes, Bakura. Be there in a minute."

Bakura hung up the phone and awaited his new underwear. Ryou came a few minutes later and gave him his extra underwear. Bakura hugged him and then began taking off his pants to change his undies.

"My eyes! My eyes!" The children screamed, covering their eyes to prevent themselves from becoming blind.

"Okay, all better, cause I'm a big boy now." Bakura handed Ryou his…_dirty_ undergarments, smiling. "Here you go. Just for you!"

Covering his mouth and nose with his sleeve, Ryou took the garments away with a pair of tongs and disposed of them in a plastic bag…never to see the light of day again.

"Ryou, I need to speak with you," the teacher called. Bakura watched him go over there, noticing the teacher beginning to yell at him, but he quickly forgot about this as he remembered the milk. He wandered off and began licking it off the floor again, at least until Ryou grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the classroom.

"Bye, teacher! See you tomorrow!"

"Actually, Bakura, you're not coming back."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Because you…_graduated." _Ryou sighed. "You're going to first grade now."

"See? I told you I'm in… intelli… Smart."

As Ryou was pulling Bakura outside Bakura was trying to get Ryou to look at his pictures he made.

"See, and this one is Malik dying, waffles, Malik dying, Malik dying-"

"And Malik dying, right?"

"Nah. This one is you, silly Billy." Bakura said stupidly.

Later that night, Ryou was making dinner, alone. While doing this he noticed the pictures Bakura had made, and smiled slightly. Picking up the one Bakura had made of him he placed it on the fridge, securing a magnet over it.

Just then Bakura marched in, able to smell the food from upstairs. "Hey, Ryou, whatcha doing?"

"Making dinner," Ryou answered.

"Ooh, food." Bakura said, drooling a little. "Hey Ryou?"

"What?"

"Is it waffles?"

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A/N: Ah, waffles.  
Please review!


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